


The best you had

by berrynthewood



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Character Study, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Mafuyu is helping a lot, Slight Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka, Spoiler alert from chapter 28
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 10:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20740409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrynthewood/pseuds/berrynthewood
Summary: I'll come back right away. He said it as a promise. For Haruki. For himself. He had to. He needed to.A story of how Akihiko faced his path of redemption.





	The best you had

**Author's Note:**

> It's me again ! I couldn't resist writing about them again. I'm amazed at how good character development is done in the manga so I dived into a little Akihiko's introspection and gosh it turned out longer than I expected ah ah.  
As always, English isn't my first language so there could be some mistakes left. Sorry for this...

_I'll come back right away_. He said it as a promise. For Haruki. For himself. He had to. He needed to.

His legs gave out in the streets. He was running until now, without realizing. Tears were rolling down his face and he felt his heart clenching in his chest. But he moved on. He took the first step. _It's finally over_. _Those two years of suffering are coming to an end_.

But the most difficult challenge laid ahead. A path to redemption.

The “fixing” list was long and the success incertain. It would take some time. But, will _he_ still be waiting for him ?

Akihiko stood up, wipping his face with the back of his hand. _It's okay_. _It's not over yet_.

*

Calling his parents was a pain in the ass. He felt like a fifteen years old kid again, enable to leave the nest. How humiliating. And they suddenly harassed him with questions. _Aah what a pain_. As if they ever cared.

His father was with his mom again. Or so it seemed like it. It was hard to keep track of their relationship. _What a good role model to look up to_. But he still bowed his head to them. And it worked. With another promise to keep: no more skipping classes. It was the only condition mentioned by his parents. Maybe they were thinking of it as a punishement. Akihiko smiled at that. _Great_. It actually raised up is motivation.

*

“This one is a little small and old but it's pretty convenient ”

He was visiting an appartement for rent for the third time in a week and he was being a little picky. It wasn't easy for him to plan a new daily life in a brand new space. Making too many changes all at once was disturbing. But when he saw the large glass doors spreading light across the room, it felt like an evidence. _Maybe, I'll be able to watch some fireworks from here_. He didn't think twice.

“I will take it”

Paperworks went smoothly, he had the keys almost immediately.

Packing things back at Haruki's place was another deal...

He became used of living here. Homemade coffee welcoming his mornings. The quiet presence of Haruki. His scent filling the room.

He didn't expect it to be this hard. To have his own feelings backfired. _Serves you right_.

Haruki seemed confused, and concerned.

“Will you be okay ?...”

That look in those hazel eyes send a shiver down his spine. He had to make it work. This guy was worth it. A millionth time over.

He bowed his head, not breaking eyes contact “Uhm... thanks for everything”.

_I will come back_. The words burned his tongue.

*

Thing is, being a good student in a music major college is pretty time-consuming. But violin was fun again, a first in years. And he was expecting practice with his band every day with tumbling impatience. So eager that he found himself being the first one coming into the studio everyday. Uenoyama was so surprised he asked Akihiko one evening if he actually lived in the janitor's room down the corridor of the studio.

“Oh, I didn't think my devotion was actually bothering your highness. How can I atone for my sin ? " he replied back, using his best sarcastic tone "Please, show some mercy...” .

He saw Uenoyama performing his most obvious grumpy face, ready to protest, before being interrupted by Mafuyu “Haruki-san isn't here ? Didn't you two usually come together ?”

Akihiko's heart skipped a beat._ Crap. Did he figured it out back then ?_

“Ah... Uhm... Our schedules aren't matching anymore...” it sounded false, even to his ears.

But, strangely, Mafuyu didn't push it, and practice went good, as usual.

*

“You're quitting ?”

The manager was clearly disapointed. It wasn't the first time Akihiko had to apologize about breaking a working contract with someone. He started to know the speech by heart.

“I'm sorry for the trouble. Thank you for letting me work here to this day”

_Music above everything_. It was his top priority now and he found himself held back by his several jobs. Improvement started to grow weak as weeks goes by and he didn't want to have his own frustration getting the best of him.

His parents were paying for the flat's rent and gave him the strict minimum to survive. He could do without much but he would be a broke student until graduation. _So be it !_

His pride gave the final push. _Better be broke than a coward_.

*

When the end of the year drew near, Akihiko reached some stability.

He was top of his class and rumors about his sexual life seemed to sink into oblivion. He made some cleaning in his acquaintances, turned down many immoral propositions. Instead, he almost became the “unreachable overworking guy”. Some people still loathed him in his back but he didn't care.

His teacher called him one day after class to congratulate his sudden hard-working attitude.

“Would you like to subscribe for the regional violin contest ?”

Akihiko's eyes widened as the man went on “It takes place in Spring and I think it could boost your practice. I can promote your candidature to the head-teacher if you're motivated”

It was his chance to proove himself. He had to know how far he could go. Time to get serious about his own music.

“It would be an honor !” he jabbered back.

*

“How about celebrating the new year together ?” Haruki suggered them after practice “And, maybe we can go to the shrine after the party ?”

Akihiko raised up his head from his phone. The idea of spending the new eve with his bandmates made him feel warm inside. He was usually alone at this time of the year.

As for Uenoyama, he wasn't really thrilled until Mafuyu caught his hand and looked at him like an excited child “Let's go Uenoyama-kun ! Pleeease ?”

In fact, Ritsuka gave up almost immediately, cheeks reddening before the boy's stare “Uhm... Okay... let me ask my parents about it. Will your mom be ok ?”

“Yup, she's going to her friend's house every year” rassured Mafuyu, sparkling with joy.

“What about you, Akihiko ?” inquired Haruki. He was looking straight into his eyes and Akihiko felt himself blush slightly. His hair was growing again, little by little. Sweat gave it an even more wavy effect. Suddenly, he felt the urge to drown his fingers in it. To brush it against his lips. Seeing his eyes going wide and his face darkening. How he missed that look... An overwhelming feeling crept up inside him and his throat felt dry. Was he always that self-conscious around him ?

“Earth to Kaji-san !” snapped Uenoyama, startling the drummer who stared down, breaking eyes contact.

“Ah sorry sorry... I don't have anything planned so it's good for me” he let out sheepishly.

The other were looking back at him expectantly. Akihiko sighed heavily as he stood up “Sorry, I need to go to the restroom...” he excused himself awkwardly and made his way through the room.

Mafuyu glanced at him and Akihiko swore he could grasp a bit of pity in his eyes before turning away. He brushed it off. _I must be tired, that's all_.

*

_I'm not alright AT ALL_.

It was four in the morning and Akihiko couldn't sleep. He was suffering from insomnia nights after nights. It was driving him crazy.

Hopefully, it didn't stain his practice. _Weird_. He felt tired and almost like drunk everyday but when he poured it into his violin, it felt right. It wasn't perfect, but it was true. Like his instrument was translating his emotions to the world.

But right now, stuck in his bed, he was feeling hopeless. The cause ? Hazel eyes, hair looking like silk, cute pink cheeks, slim fingers running down a bass neck.

He had to avoid drinking alcohol to keep his head clear on new year's festivities. Mafuyu and Uenoyama where constantly making small love gestures toward each other, hoping they weren't noticed, and Haruki was scolding them, remembering to keep their public image clean. It all resumed in a pouting Mafuyu and a frustrated Uenoyama until the game began again. Happy go lucky kids in love. Akihiko tried to keep some distance between them but Haruki was way too concerned and openhanded to let it go. He pushed him firmly to the line in front of the shrine “And youuu, don't think you will escape this ! Let's all pray for good fortune, right ?” he smiled beautifuly and Akihiko felt his heart drop in his stomach.

Soon, every band practice felt like a torture. Torture he was eager to suffer. He stared so often at Haruki's figure that he swore he could draw it, eyes closed. He even became aware of each more centimeter of hair growing down his neck. Every glance, every word from him was shaking his composure.

_Did he felt that way about me ? Was it that painful ?_

Akihiko thought he understood his mistake back then. But reality was bitter. How would he feel if Haruki played with him like he did to him ? He was such a jerk...

And so, he couldn't sleep.

_Get a grip !_

*

Haruki told them about playing support. He even performed with other bands a few times. Everyone was supportive and Akihiko went to all his concerts.

He watched from afar a blooming Haruki. He looked so good, standing in scene, lights painting fluorescent colors across his skin. _So divine_. Akihiho graved that image in his mind. He wanted him so bad it hurt.

He quitted the concert room before the end.

He was so shaken he bumped his shoulder into someone at the entrance “Ah... I'm sorry !”

“Kaji-san ?” and Mafuyu was standing right in front of him. Akihiko felt still an instant before recovering his spirits and displayed a weak smile to greet the boy.

“If you're looking for meeting Haruki, he almost finished” he excused himself and made his way for the exit but Mafuyu grabed his arm to stop him.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you...”

Akihiko looked distressed “To me ?...”

*

As Mafuyu was still an high school student and Akihiko completely broke, they had no choice but to stay outside and they found themself sitting side by side on a cold bench on the riverside. Feeling guilty, Akihiko lend him his jacket “Sorry, I will drive you back home after, alright ?”

“Uh-hum, no problem” Mafuyu rassured him.

They waited in silence for a long time, breath coming out of their mouth in little puffs in the winter's wind.

“You know, it's been a while but... it started to show obviously on your face... your anguish” Mafuyu stated, looking straight ahead.

Akihiko was staring down, clenching his fists. As he wasn't expecting any response, the younger boy continued “If you carry on like this, you will loose him and yourself forever” his voice was pained.

Akihiko chuckled “Aaah, and now it's time for children to lecture adults here ?” he said bitterly.

“I'm not lecturing you. I'm trying to help you” Mafuyu turned his head to him “I'm grateful for what you said to me back then, before the summer performance”

Akihiko raised his head and stared at him. Ah, he did said something good that time. He sighed and picked up a cigarette in his pocket. He lighted it and took a drag. That starry sky reminded him of his days at Haruki's place. He took a breath that stayed stuck in his throat for a while before he tried to speak again “I think our timing aren't matching anymore” 

“Looks like to me you're giving up too soon” Mafuyu pointed out.

Akihiko pinched his nose, tired.

“And what do you know about that ?” he growled back. It was beggining to be so annoying...

“I do know what regrets feel and what too late means” Mafuyu stood up in front of Akihiko, eyes full of contained frustration “and the Kaji-san I know isn't a coward !”

The last words were shouted aloud. Akihiko was speechless. _How come this boy was so affected by other's feelings ?_ _Was it the trigger of his writing talent ?_

But he had to admit he was right. He was a coward. He was afraid of being rejected. And he was punishing himself instead of fighting for the best.

_I'll come back right away._

Tears started to tickle the corner of his eyes. He wiped them with his sleeve and stood up to pat Mafuyu's head. Akihiko gave him a firm look “Thank you".

There could be some hope left. He let go and took a look at his watch.

“Woah let's go back already ! It's freezing out here and Uenoyama will murder me if you catch a cold by my fault”

The small boy laughed softly and nodded back, relieved “Yes !”

*

CANDIDATURE ACCEPTED

It was written black on white on the school's letter. He will be part of the violin contest next spring. _Oh my god_. He couldn't believe it. He was both happy and nervous.

He only told Mafuyu about it. He thought he wouldn't be able to cope with all of them watching him performing. Particulary when one of them was his most obvious weakness.

He finally reconciliated himself with his feelings. Keeping the good part to stimulate his motivation. _I can do it._

*

Akihiko started to feel a little anxious some days before Valentine's.

Was Haruki popular or not ? Obviously more than he thought.

He wished to give him a gift but he didn't want it to be so revealant. Out of the blue, he seeked advice from a classmate.

“A gift for Valentine's day ?”

“A subtle one but... maybe... with some hint in it ?” Akihiko was embarassed to death.

“How about a hot chocolate drink ?” the guy proposed an hand to his chin “It's rather safe and always comforting”

“I guess so...”

Akihiko reflected on it. He wasn't so convinced but didn't had any backup anyway.

*

“That would be 670 yens, sir”

6-7-0 YENS. Akihiko's mind went blank. He almost forgot he was flat BROKE. He was saving the few remaining of his parents donation to survive and didn't have any saving. That would cost him a meal, or maybe two, if he wasn't so hungry.

_Well, fuck my empty stomach then.  
_

He gave his money to the cashier, proud nonetheless.

Haruki and him made an appointement at Shibuya's before heading to the studio.

When Akihiko spotted him near Hachiko's statue, he sped up and called out to him.

“Haruki !”

But when he turned his head to him, every sentence Akihiko rehearsed vanished from his brain.

“Here !” he panicked and handed stiffly the drink to him “For you !”

“Eh !? Thanks” Haruki took the cup from Akihiko's hand, slightly taken aback “... Akihiko, haven't you been acting strange lately ?” he raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

Akihiko avoided his gaze and led the way, hiding his blushing face “Yeah, yeah, you're welcome”

Haruki, brushed it off and took a sip from the hot goblet, instantly surprised by the content “Ah ! It's hot chocolate ! Good choice, it does feel good with this cold” he hummed happily.

Akihiko felt his ears going red. He didn't dare to look back, already imagining the cute bassist drinking his chocolate with a smile.

Making Haruki happy with simple things was now the highlight of his days. Step by step, he hoped to regain a place somewhere in his heart.

All things come to him who waits.

*

“Next candidate, be ready please !”

Akihiko buttoned his shirt and ajusted his collar. He worked his ass off those past months. He was confident.

When he walked to the scene, light blinded him for an instant. He took a breath and tucked his violin under his chin.

When he started playing, he focused on his inner feelings. He drawn them from the deepest of his heart and poured them all in his bow, in his fingers. And the violin echoed them back. Like an open electric circuit.

He was making small mistakes again but instead on focusing on them, he relaxed and let his instincts dictate his movements.

_It does feel good._

Akihiko opened his eyes and scaned the public until he found Mafuyu.

That was when he almost dropped his violin. His heart made a looping in his rib cage. _It can't be._

There, by Mafuyu's side, his hair slightly sweeped back, a lovely strand escaping his ear and falling by his right cheek, Haruki was watching him.

Pressure raising inside, he tried to regain his composure, but he couldn't ignore it anymore. He closed his eyes, pouring it all in his instrument.

_Aaah I love him so much_.

The melody carried on his genuine feelings across the audience. It was both delicate and full with passion.

And then, the piece came to an end. Akihiko was feeling feverish. He regained the backstage like a ghost. Exhausted.

He leaned, his back to the wall and slided down, hands trembling.

_It's alright._

For the first time, he truly understood Mafuyu's feeling at their summer performance.

*

“He's not here ?”

Akihiko was looking around the hall, expectandly.

“Ah... Umh... he said he didn't felt good and headed to the station already...” Mafuyu told him.

“What did you said ?” Akihiko runned his hands to his head, frustrated “Aaaaah why now ?”

He paced the room, body burning in frustration. _What should I do ?_

He could chase after him. _But to tell him what ?_ _What did you think of the performance ?_ Too embarrassing. _Sorry I should have told you to come ?_ No way... _I love you ?_ He wasn't brave enough.

He stopped and glanced at Mafuyu.

_The Kaji-san I know isn't a coward ! _His words echoed in his head. Ah right. He promised to stop running away at that time. Maybe it was worth a try...

“Mafuyu ! Sorry, I... I have to go !”

Mafuyu didn't even had time to reply when Akihiko disapeared throught the gates.

*

He was running like crazy. In a suit, on the street. His legs felt heavy but his heart felt light. _God, let me catch him up_. He still didn't know what made him chase after him. It just felt like the right thing to do. He didn't know what to say to him either. Nevermind. He wanted to see him so bad. Hearing his voice. Seeing him smile.

He became his universe. He was the one he wanted to change for. He wanted him to see the best part of himself. It was all about Haruki, since the beginning.

_I'll come back right away_. The most important promise to fullfil.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Berry ([Tumblr](https://berrynthewood.tumblr.com/) / [Twitter](https://twitter.com/berrynthewood/))


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